Baked Beans

"Actor Hugh Grant will not face charges over claims he attacked a photographer with a tub of baked beans and kicked out at him, the Crown Prosecution Service said on Saturday." CNN

As a longtime study in the martial art of leguminous self-defense, I offer praise to Hugh for the shrewdness exercised in the choice of the alleged weapon. To the interested yet uninitiated, I offer the following nugget of advice.

Go for something with a tangy sauce (stings the eyes), bacon (slipperiness prevents quick escape), brown sugar (sticks to assailant) and high fiber (say no more).