Abandoning Your Family

Good, funny satirical writing is always too hard to find, but a piece titled Three Simple Ways to Abandon Your Family by Ralpha Gamelli brought some good whole-hearted laughs. Three different means of escape are offered, the first of which being the classic stogie run disappearance:

"1. Start smoking at least three months prior to attempting your deception. (Six months is actually preferable.) This will lend you the credibility that’s fundamental to success. For example, you wouldn’t claim to be going out to buy a newspaper if you’ve never before shown an interest in reading the paper. Each puff will cement in your family’s mind the notion that you’ll have to regularly go out to replenish your supply of cigarettes.

2. Don’t smoke inside the house. This will betray the hostile feelings that have been building up toward your family for many years. Smoke outside on the porch, so they’ll think you still care about them. This way, when the big day finally arrives, they’ll be far less suspicious that you’re leaving forever."

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